Sunday, March 27, 2011


Everyone is presented with choices every day, whether to wear this or that, eat breakfast, go to work, etc. The typical technique to determine what one would like to do is typically a cost/return analysis, I hate going to work, but the payoff is better than what I sacrifice. It doesn't take too much time typically, we do it within a matter of mili-seconds usually. How often does it take you hours or days to decide you're going to get in your car and grab a bite to eat? Rarely I'd assume, but I suppose you never know. What happens, however, when you're faced with a more perplexing question that, grape or strawberry jam? What about potentially life changing questions? And what if this question has had a cost/return analysis applied to it a hundred times, and you still have a hard time coming to a definitive conclusion? What if you come to the conclusion that one way might make you exponentially more happy, but it's a lot less likely to go according to plan? I guess I'm at a crossroads where I can sympathize with this sort of situation, and making or committing to a plan is beyond difficult. It makes you want to just remain stagnant, but what would that do? Leave me in the same broken position I'm in right now? Why isn't there a life track? You know, like the little kids' Go Karts at the amusement park, with the track that is impossible to divert from? I wish I'd been set up with one of those for life, I wish I'd be thrown on one course and told I didn't have a choice but follow it. Two ways to happiness following a potentially troubling time, but how to determine which one has the bigger pay off, or is more likely to come to fruition, or is permanent happiness. Quite the qualm I have spinning inside me, it has my stomach in knots and my brain cloudy. I suppose getting through the now is all I can focus on, and everything else will come in turn.

Steven OUT!

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