Quite the week…
Well this has been quite the week to say the least, and not in a good way. Why does it seem like bad things always seem to come in fistfuls? It’s like some giant masturbating bad events finally lets loose and climaxes his bad week load all over your face. It’s not that I don’t expect bad things to happen, bad things happen to everyone. I just don’t know why it has to be an all or nothing sort of thing. It has to be all good, or all bad, it can’t just be a situation where we’re level and even keel with the ups and downs balancing each other out on a daily, or at least weekly basis. Let’s get this started, shall we?
First off, my Grandma passed away. Now over the last few years I hadn’t been super close to her, mostly because she was my great grandma and my immediate grandma and her had been at odds. Additionally, she hadn’t been overly well, and living in Wisconsin, wasn’t travelling quite as much. All that being said, she did still mean a good deal to me. I remember going to Wisconsin for a summer when I was little and staying with her. My uncles slept in a trailer in the backyard on Great Grandma’s massive plot of land, and actually fought to let me sleep out there with them. I remember Grandma had made sure we were well stocked with treats, and I remember her buying fireworks for us since it was the 4th of July. Another time, we were visiting my Aunt Janet (My Grandma’s sister, and one of Great Grandma’s other daughters) while Grandma was staying with her. It was my birthday, and I wasn’t necessarily happy about being away from home for it, but Grandma made me a homemade ice cream cake, with my favorite, mint chocolate chip ice cream. I’ll always remember that. I don’t know why it made such an impression, maybe because she made it with me in mind, and knowing I wasn’t happy, or maybe because I’ve rarely had anything done for me for my birthday, but it will always resonate as one of my best birthdays. She was a very remarkable lady, her and my great grandpa lived on their land in a tent while he built their house with his hands. They lived through the Great Depression and WWII. It really is sad to think that the lady who made many of my childhood belongings, like my baby blanket is gone now.
The next item contained in the massive giant load of suck, was missing my test. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone except me, but I want to start doing my actual job. My days are so mundane with nothing substantive to fill them at work. I want to start making my money too. Don’t get me wrong, 50k is nothing to smirk at, but I will be six figures, and the quicker I start, the quicker I can start making. I don’t like sitting on my butt while I know I have clients to help and investments to make.
I’ll skip to the most recent, because the next one in the chronological order will probably be what I bitch and moan about most, but if you don’t like it, don’t read my blog. Today, I spent almost $600 for new brake pads, rotors, and registration. $600 bucks is not an astronomical amount, but man, that’s still a hefty chunk of change, and at least the registration part is something I get no tangible benefit from. Not only that, but I went there during lunch, and I expected it to be a fairly quick trip, but it ended up taking me almost three hours. Luckily, no one cares if I’m gone for a long lunch, but that’s a long time to sit and wait for them to put on new brakes, plus the cost, and it all came together to put me in quite a sour demeanor.
Finally, the worst part of the week was telling the girl that I want to pursue a relationship with, that I couldn’t spend time with her, or be around her until she can figure out what she wants. Specifically, what she wants with her ex boyfriend, and me… That was seriously the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long long time, and there are a few reasons for that. A. We’ve spent virtually every waking moment, outside of school, and work, together for the past few weeks, and before she went to Hawaii on vacation. Seriously, it was a lot of time, and what’s remarkable, is that there wasn’t ever a time I wanted to take alone time, or got annoyed with her. Anyone whose spent a long time with me, has probably experienced my annoyances and then progressively aggressive attitude toward them after so long together. Not her though. I left happy to see her after work everyday. B. I didn’t want to get rid of her, I still don’t. It wasn’t nasty like when I told Whitley she had to get lost or I was going to snap her neck. It was a, “I have to cut you off, because I want us both to be happy together, and until you get this figured out, we’ll never be able to be happy.” It’s a scenario where I still want things to work out, and I still want to pursue something, but I can’t be the second option, or the option being settled for until the real want presents itself. I’ve been there, and done that, and it only creates resentment and hurt. If and when it happens, I want to do it right, and the pseudo way we were getting into, was only going to be a disservice to what we both could have and deserve eventually. So, of course, I drank a 750ML of whiskey, and passed out, and then worked out. Such are my coping mechanisms often times when these things arise. I’m still just not happy, and I know she isn’t either, but we will end up where we’re supposed to, and I still believe it’s together and in a situation that’s better than the crash course we were on before.
So that’s been my week thus far, and I know it probably doesn’t sound terrible to a lot of you, but man is it wearing on me. It really has my mind in a terrible state, and I just can’t rationalize my emotions away yet. I’m so pissed off I really want to break shit, or punch something, but I’m also so sad, which just makes me want to do nothing and go comatose, and then I’m also super motivated, and I want to be productive. This must be what my Grandma Charlene feels like with all the voices in her head pulling her in different directions. Hope your week is better, if not, I sympathize.