Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Is Steven Merrill gonna have to slap a...

Alright, look, I'm short, I have a decent sized noggin, and maybe average in attraction, my redeeming qualities are a decent sense of humor, I'm fairly intelligent, and I'm not fat (Notice I didn't say I have abs like Gerard Butler, but rather I'm not fat). So, when I walk into the tanning salon, and you start flirting with me, I know it's not because you've realized my wit or personality before I walked in, and I know you're not really trying to get down with my Brad Pitt good looks. Don't take me for an idiot, I know you're in essence whoring yourself out to get me to buy a package of tanning crap so that your sales numbers look better. Seriously, I'm not scared to ask you out, I'm not scared to present myself open for an evening with you so you could get a chance to see the redeeming qualities I might posses, but don't insult me. If you need to sell your stuff, let me know that you're trying to make a sale, you think I'm an ugly chud, but you need some extra cash, and give me the low down on what the best stuff is. Approach me on a personal level, and I'll respect that, rather than giggling, touching my arm, and "accidentally" bumping into me a gajillion times on my way to my room. Sick of these ladies trying to play me for the fool, I know what your game is, and I know what you do and don't want to go down. You want me to buy your stuff, you don't want me to call you after work, you want me to come in and tan a lot more so I buy a lot more lotion, you don't want me to lotion your shoulders to keep them from burning. I'm no fool, you want me to be that guy you can cry to, hooks you up with a good time when you're down, but not be the guy you take to a party and tell your girlfriend to back up off of! It's funny, I'm not scared of rejection, throw yourself out there enough and you're bound to get one to say yes, but I don't need you to conjure a fake interest in me in order for me to be interested in buying tanning lotion that I need anyways. So to you fake snake BI$%#ES (which by the way, is no one that follows my blog, I love all of you), stop being fake, because when you want to be real, I want to help you more, and when you want a guy who's real, and can spell more than his name, I'm going to be much more willing to give you a shot when you've been straight from the get go.

Steven OUT!

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