So, most people know I've been agonizing and doing everything within my power to make something work with a girl that I've known for a long time. I am finally, and officially admitting here and now, I am defeated. Which is not necessarily a bad thing all. I've done everything within my ability to try and get something to work, and while I would have loved to have been successful in that, I know now, I just can't control this issue. If in the future something happens, I'll be ecstatic, but it won't be my doing. If something happens, it'll have to be her initiative, I've had enough of constantly being the hound pursuing the hare to no avail.
The benefits to this are that I now feel free to explore other opportunities, and lately, they've been seemingly plentiful. Additionally, women, if you didn't know, you're expensive. I mean, I'm expensive, but women are an additional expense that while worthwhile, is fairly high! I'm not mad at her, I can't really say I blame her, relationships are confusing like that.
As everyone who knows me, knows Whitley and I were together much longer than we ought to have been, so faulting someone for trying to figure relationships out is obviously something I've failed at harder than most. It's a hard line to try and ride, to figure out when it's simply a rough patch, or when it's a fundamental problem with the relationship. To figure out if you've changed, your partner's changed, or you both have. To figure out if it's you over reacting, or the action was actually something worth being upset about. People try to get through life as best they can. Nobody goes through life hoping to fail, and hoping to get hurt or be hurt, they simply try to get through as best as they can, and for all my faults, I feel very inept in being judgemental about her trying to do what makes her happy.
People are selfish beings for the most part, but that's an aspect of being human. Your natural incination is to take steps to your own happiness. I think what makes great people great, is when they figure out ways to do that, while satisfying the need for happiness in others. It's what allows great teachers to be great teachers, and great fathers to be great fathers. It's what allows for people to gravitate to you, and for you to embrace and respond in they way they require, and find happiness in that for yourself. I hope one day I am that way, at very least, I hope one day I'm that way for one person.
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